


Moon Talker

by httpwoosh



Category: Angst - Fandom, Kpop - Fandom, bts, idk it’s based on me kinda, mentions of suicide - Fandom, minyoongi - Fandom, parkjimin - Fandom, talking to the moon - Fandom, yoonmin - Fandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-14
Updated: 2018-12-14
Packaged: 2019-09-18 00:27:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 14,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16984680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/httpwoosh/pseuds/httpwoosh
Summary: Yoongi was used to talking to the moon, even though it never responded. But at some point it stopped being enough, and he grew tired. One night, on a bridge, he met one Park Jimin.





	1. Chapter 1

"Hey, mister?" A timid voice called from behind Yoongi.

Yoongi was currently stood on the outer edge of a railing on a bridge at a quarter to midnight in the middle of November. Why? Complicated.

"Huh? Oh, who are you?" Yoongi asked, turning slightly. He didn't realize how rude his tone was until he saw the face of the young man who had spoken to him.

"I, um, my name is Jimin. Park Jimin, and I just thought you might be cold, so I-I wanted to give you this jacket," The smaller paused, eyeing Yoongi's bare arms and shivering in his place. Man, he must be cold. "I'm sorry it isn't much, but I think anything would be better than that t-shirt you have on." Jimin finished, fiddling with the dark green cloth in his tiny hands.

"I'm okay, thanks anyway," Yoongi said in a flat and monotonous tone. "I won't be out here long enough for it to matter much."

Jimin's heart seemed to malfunction upon hearing the words and contemplating their meaning.

"What do you mean by that? Is someone picking you up?"

"No," Yoongi answered bluntly.

"Then, c-can I give you a ride home, or wherever you need to go? Just to make sure you're safe? It's risky being out alone at night."

"Says you, a small thing like you could easily be snatched up by some creep out here."

"I'm fast," Jimin said, cheeks running red which he mentally blamed on the cold air.

"Sure," Yoongi mumbled. He redirected his gaze to the skyline before him. The city really was beautiful at night. The way the city's lights along with the moon's light reflected on the water below him in beautiful harmony. The moon. Yoongi's longest and strongest bond was with the moon. And now it seemed even that companion had abandoned him.

"Mister?" Jimin spoke gently to recapture Yoongi's attention as if he spoke to a wounded animal, afraid of spooking it.

"Huh? Oh, got lost in my head again. Hmph," A smile, almost sarcastic smile played at Yoongi's lips as he looked down at his feet. "Do you have many friends, Jimin?" Yoongi continued looking down as he spoke.

"Uh, I have a few good friends. Several acquaintances I guess. Why do you ask?"

"A few good friends is always better than a lot of bad ones. Remember that. You seem like a really sweet and caring guy, people will likely try to take advantage of that." Yoongi's voice was sincere in his advice to Jimin. Advice he'd received from a friend not too long ago.

"You don't seem like you would take advantage of it, sir." Jimin piped, surprised by Yoongi's words.

"I wouldn't,"

"You're a good friend then."

"You don't even know my name,"

"Then tell me."

Yoongi stood quietly for a moment. Would it be worth it to tell Jimin his name? If he wouldn't be in existence in the morning would knowing his name, make any difference to Jimin? Would Jimin see 'Local man Min Yoongi found dead after apparent suicide' on the news and think any differently? Probably not. "It doesn't matter much what my name is anymore. I'm a ghost of who I used to be." He finally answered, earning a dissatisfied glare from Jimin, which he didn't see.

"It matters to me. I'm a nice guy, like you said and I'm also smart enough to realize what you're doing standing up there. I'm also smart enough to realize that the fact that you're still standing up there means that there is something somewhere inside of you keeping you from jumping. Now if I'm overstepping then I apologize but I can assure you that I am not going anywhere until you've come down from there, sir." Jimin said, suddenly sounding more confident and assured than he had before. "Name or no name."

This shocked Yoongi for many reasons. First being that in all their conversing Jimin hadn't spoken above a small chirp, but now spoke with confidence and assurance in his voice. Second being that he suddenly reminded Yoongi of someone; someone that Yoongi missed. Yoongi missed him dearly.

"Why is this so important to you?" Yoongi practically whispered to Jimin as he felt emotion lump in his throat and burn at his eyes.

"Because no one deserves to die this way and someone as young as you would be a devastating loss, whether you see it or not. Even if you are alone and think no one would notice, I would. I may not know your name, but I know that you need help and companionship and maybe even love and whether I am the person to give you those things or not doesn't matter. But now that I have been here and met you I would feel your loss, even if you don't believe that, sir."

It fell quiet between the two males as the sounds of traffic and water lapping at shores filled their ears and souls. They both needed a moment to think; to breathe, even if they didn't know it.

After what felt like an eternity, Yoongi spoke.

"I don't have friends. It sounds strange, but my only companion has been the moon for who even knows how long. "He paused and chuckled at the realization that he had no idea how long he'd been feeling this way. "Even that is gone now. Lately everything just feels, wrong and even the moon seems to have deserted me and I've started drowning in the oceans in my head, tides going crazy and everything is just wrong. I stopped hearing people's words, feeling people's touch, I just lost all sense. I don't even know how I ended up here, to be perfectly honest with you Jimin."

"Then come down. Please. I will be your friend. I'm here for you now. I have no idea why the moon hasn't been around for you and I am truly sorry but maybe they left you for a reason. Maybe this is the Moon's way of seeing how you manage on your own. Even so, you don't have to do it alone." Jimin draped the jacket he'd been holding over his left arm and extended his right hand out for Yoongi to grab. "You have Park Jimin in your corner now, love it or leave it!" He finished, painting a goofy smile on his face.

Turning toward Jimin and seeing the boy's smile made Yoongi suddenly feel warmer inside. He was FEELING for the first time in what seemed to be ages. Reaching to take the small hand offered to him, Yoongi lost his footing and slipped.


	2. Chapter 2

"You really scared me mister, I was so worried you were gone." Jimin breathed heavily lying on the ground looking at a frozen Yoongi who now lay beside him on the pavement. 

Yoongi had lost his footing but Jimin gripped his wrist just in time to allow Yoongi to make his way back over the rail. 

"It's Yoongi,"

"What?" The smaller male hardly understood what Yoongi said over his heavy breaths.

"My name, it's Min Yoongi. I think you've earned as much since you did just kind of save me; despite the reason I was out there to begin with." Yoongi steadied his breathing and sat forward to look down at Jimin again, "That jacket still available?"

"Min Yoongi, it's very nice to meet you," Jimin smiled a fond, warm smile before handing Yoongi the jacket he'd thrown aside to grab Yoongi's hand before. "I'm sure we'll be good friends, so keep it."

"Are you sure?" Yoongi asked as he slid his arms into the sleeves, exhaling in relief from the warmth. He hadn't realized just how cold he was until he gained some feeling back in his arms.

"Yes, I'm sure. I can spare one jacket." Jimin chuckled.

"So, what happens now? I didn't see any need for contacting anyone, so I left my phone in my apartment. Is there any chance that ride home is still available too? I'm too tired from the excitement to walk back across the city," Yoongi sheepishly said as Jimin stood up before him.

"Of course. My car is right off the bridge. I saw you up there from the next street up and didn't want to spook you by driving up next to you, but it's not far at all."

Yoongi ignored the clear dedication that Jimin showed. No reason or obligation. He just saw Yoongi and took initiative in saving him. He took responsibility for the life of a man he'd never even met, not even thinking of the consequences. Giving Jimin a tired smile, Yoongi gestured for the smaller to lead the way. 

Taking Yoongi's hand once again, Jimin began walking toward his car. The breeze picked up as the pair walked, causing Yoongi to tense, tightening his grip on the other's hand. Jimin's face began to turn pink again but this time he was sure it was the cold air.


	3. Chapter 3

"Are you sure you can handle that kind of baggage, Chim?" Taehyung asked, not meaning to sound insensitive.  
"How can you say that? He needs someone to be there and show him that he's not alone." Jimin responded, not surprised by his friend's blunt question.   
"But, he is alone."  
"No, he has me now." There was a touch of pride behind the words Jimin spoke now.  
Jimin had always felt proud of his ability to see the best in people and be able to bring it out. He'd been the 'salvation' for a few of his friends and they were always grateful to him for it, but it sometimes concerned them how when he got fixated on someone, Jimin could become difficult to reach.  
"I just worry, Chim. That's all." Taehyung added as he sat on the couch of their small shared apartment.  
"I helped you, didn't I?" Jimin said with a smirk, knowing it would irritate the younger.  
"Listen Jimin," Taehyung only called him Jimin when he was being serious. "Yoongi might be a great guy or whatever," He paused, leaning forward to look at his friend straight on as he stood in the doorframe to their bathroom. "But you've got a lot going on too. He's not in his right state of mind considering you met him because he was about to jump off a bridge, man. Now I love a good damsel in distress as much as the next guy, but some people are just not for you to try and save. It can't all fall on your shoulders." Taehyung finished his statement and grabbed his mug of tea from the coffee table. As he sipped the sweet, warm beverage, he hoped his words would carry some weight with Jimin and that he would understand what Taehyung had meant. "You need to take care of yourself, first of all." He added, not trusting that Jimin would catch on.  
"I appreciate it Tae, really. But Yoongi needs me and I think maybe I need him, too." Jimin retreated down the hall and into his room without a word more, shutting the door behind him.  
Jimin and Taehyung weren't upset with each other. The two were as close as could be. Taehyung just worried for Jimin's habits of spreading himself too thin for others and not taking proper care of himself in the process. Jimin just thought Taehyung worried too much and that helping others was the only good he could do.  
This case fell different to him, though.  
Yoongi truly did need him, and who was Jimin to deny anyone what they needed?


	4. Chapter 4

Going into work each day has felt like a relief to Yoongi since the night on the bridge. In fact he has tried to erase the night from his mind completely. Easier said than done.

Jimin's jacket hangs on the back of the bathroom door in Yoongi's small apartment. He swears it keeps talking to him, telling him that he owes his life to the strange boy he met in an extremely embarrassing moment of weakness. Yoongi isn't normally one to take things to such extremes. He didn't want to die. He doesn't. The loneliness had clouded his every sense and impaired his judgement to the point that he nearly took his own life. Yoongi was afraid to wonder if he'd have gone through with it had Jimin not shown up.

In the days since that night, Yoongi felt ashamed. Ashamed to have met such a kind person in such a wretched way. Ashamed to have made that person feel obligated to save him. Ashamed that he's too ashamed to ever face that person again. Or was he proud? He didn't know. 

He just wanted to return to his life as it was before. 

Before the bridge, Yoongi wasn't happy, but he was content. He was used to the long hours of his job and used to coming home to a lifeless apartment and used to tasteless microwave meals and used to long showers and used to restless sleep each night. His routine wasn't exciting to say the least but he was fine with it. He welcomed it. Routine was crucial to Yoongi. He hated things happening unexpectedly and catching him by surprise; which is why the Moon abandoning him was such a hard hit.

Unannounced visits from his mother were always inconvenient because he hadn't had time to prepare himself; not that it took much but he still found it quite annoying. 

His routine was nothing extravagant but it was constant. Safe. 

That is, until he met Park Jimin. 

Jimin complicated things for Yoongi and completely obliterated the set routine that the quiet man had once cherished; and they've only met once.


	5. Chapter 5

Books are calming. They're a form of escapism in the simplest way. Delving into a world of make-believe and fantasy ideals was always Jimin's favorite pastime. The distraction wasn't entirely necessary for him but he enjoyed it. He needed it ever since he met Yoongi. His thoughts kept drifting back to the man he met that night, desperate, cold, alone, maybe even scared. Jimin had to help him; but he didn't know how to reach him. So Jimin turned to his coping mechanism.

Specifically Jimin enjoyed finding older novels, used ones, and making himself a warm cup of tea or coffee and sitting on the balcony of his shared apartment while Taehyung was at work during the day. Fall and spring were the best times for this for this. The heat of summer made his skin itch and his stomach upset and as beautiful as winter is it can be a bit too harsh for extended periods to be spent outdoors. 

Taehyung being at work was a good time for Jimin to get things done during the day, since he worked in the evenings; but he did tend to get lonely. Jimin has always been a very social person, thriving only when surrounded by others. Being alone would cause him to feel sluggish and down. 

Today though, Jimin realized that he'd read all of the books he owned and wanted a new one. Maybe a romance novel this time. So he found himself at a bookstore he didn't even realize was just around the corner from his apartment. How convenient, Jimin thought to himself as he entered the small shop.

Immediately Jimin's nostrils were greeted by the sweet scent of cinnamon and apples mixed with old and new pages of books and magazines. His ears picked up the faint sounds of keys clicking on keyboards at the register as customers checked out and turning pages as others decided what to but. It was his eyes that Jimin thought played tricks on him. Across the small store he spotted a blonde man whom he was certain he knew somehow. 

And when the blonde met his gaze Jimin remembered him. The looks of worry and discomfort in Yoongi's eyes told Jimin that the remembrance was mutual. 

"Min Yoongi? Is that you?" Jimin chirped as he made his way across the floor to where the now mortified man stood.

"Y-yeah, do I know you?" Maybe if Yoongi played dumb Jimin wouldn't push a conversation. That didn't work.

"It is you! It's Jimin, remember? Park Jimin? We met on the old service bridge across town! I gave you a jacket and a ride home." Jimin's eyes glowed with some emotion that Yoongi didn't recognize. None like any he would have known anyway.

"Ah, Jimin, yeah I remember." 

"How are you? You never gave me any way to reach you to check to make sure you're alright and I've been wondering." Jimin's eyes bore straight into Yoongi's soul, causing him to feel naked, exposed, uncomfortable. 

Yoongi didn't like the way Jimin seemed to see right through him. He didn't like the interest the boy showed in his wellbeing and he certainly didn't like that they've met again this way. Yoongi felt trapped; like he'd never be able to escape Jimin's grasp now. 

But oh, how he wanted to.

"Look Jimin, we don't need to talk about that. Okay?" Yoongi said, looking behind him to see if his boss had been there. If the boss knew that Yoongi was going through yet another breakdown he'd likely fire him, despite genuinely liking Yoongi.

Can't really risk employing someone who might try to kill himself every other month.

"Oh, okay! We can talk about other things! Let's go grab coffee," Jimin reached for Yoongi's hand but frowned when it was yanked from his reach. 

"No, Jimin." Yoongi looked down at his hands, fiddling with his fingers, "I'm working. And after my shift I'm going home. Alone. And you're here as a customer, so just buy a book and go home. We don't need to talk, at all. I don't need anyone to take pity on me and I don't want your friendship. I appreciate what you've done for me and if you want we can set a time and place for me to give your jacket back to you. I don't meant to be rude, I just want to forget that the other night ever happened. You should too." Yoongi raised his head to meet Jimin's gaze. A decision he immediately came to regret when he saw the hurt behind Jimin's eyes.   
"I told you to keep the jacket," Jimin's voice cracked a bit as he spoke, barely above a whisper. Yoongi didn't mean to hurt Jimin, he only figured this was necessary to prevent him much more suffering because of Yoongi in the future.   
"No. I insist that you let me give it back to you. I feel that I owe you at least that much."  
"Fine." With that Jimin turned and walked out of the store. Not another word spoken.

"How am I supposed to reach him now?" Yoongi mumbled to himself, irritation clearly evident in his voice, even though only he could hear.

The rest of Jimin's night seemed to drag. Why was Yoongi being so distant? Didn't he and Jimin get along well that night? None of it made sense. Up was down. Left was right. Right was wrong. Yoongi was wrong. He needed Jimin. He needed to be reminded that he can't always be alone. Jimin would show Yoongi that he wouldn't be shaken so easily. He would show Yoongi that he could be saved, no matter what the cost to himself.

Jimin never realized how heavy of a toll it takes on himself to save people. It makes him feel good to know that he helps others, yes. But in all of the time Jimin spends 'fixing' others, he never stops to assess his own mental state. Taehyung and Jimin's other friends try and try to get through to the stubborn young male that he needs to take care of himself better but he refuses.

Will Jimin's selfless ways be his demise?

Or will someone come along and show Jimin that it's okay to lean on others from time to time?


	6. Chapter 6

"You agreed to meet him, and then just walked away?"

"Yes, Joon. I just walked away. I was hurt. I panicked." Jimin sighed and covered his eyes with his hands in defeat. He'd messed up. He didn't mean to leave Yoongi that way. In fact, that was very unlike Jimin. Normally the boy would be persistent no matter the resistance from the other person.

He and Namjoon had developed a routine of meeting every couple of days for coffee and conversation at a local shop, nothing spectacular but the two enjoyed the atmosphere anyway. This day however, Jimin was in particular need of advice and Namjoon was one of the wisest in Jimin's friend group. Always quick to help his friends in any way he could, Namjoon was one of Jimin's closest friends, after Taehyung of course.

As he sought advice from Namjoon, Jimin avoided the part about how he met Yoongi. Not that Namjoon would be upset, but he may try to talk Jimin out of his plan to make his way into Yoongi's clearly troubled heart.

"Why did you panic?" Namjoon asked, genuinely confused. He knew Jimin wasn't telling him everything but he didn't pry. Jimin may not want him to knows for a reason and he would respect that.

"I just, I like him. And it seems like he really needs a Park Jimin in his life right now."

"Is that so?" Namjoon was slightly amused by Jimin's answer, but he knew the younger was sincere. Jimin felt that everyone should have someone to pick them up when they're down and was always quick to be that someone. Without hesitation, which concerned the older. "Well you know his name, right? Find him online." Namjoon mentally scolded himself for helping Jimin add more to his plate, but he hates to see Jimin stew over these things.

"Good point. Thanks Joon!" And with that Jimin had left a few bills on the table to cover the frothy drink he'd hardly even touched and darted home. If Jimin could find Yoongi online, he could reach the male without needing his phone number. Of course there's still the chance Yoongi may just ignore him, or worse; block him.

Jimin pushed those silly thoughts from his brain as he opened his laptop and began his search.

Before too long he'd found him. Min Yoong, age 25, blonde hair, brown eyes, single.

Jimin clicked the new message prompt and began typing away.

'Hi Yoongi, as I'm sure you can see, it's Jimin. I apologize if this is strange but I had to find a way to get ahold of you after I walked out on you before we could, as we had agreed, set up a location and time to meet. I still think that you should not be alone and that you need to speak with someone, if not me or another friend then maybe a specialist? 

Anyway, please respond as soon as possible 

-Jimin :)'

Jimin sent the message and shut his laptop before sitting it beside him on his bed. A small, hopeful smile spread across his face as he wondered whether Yoongi would change his mind or not. Why was Yoongi so cold anyway? What happened to make him so shut off from human relation? Surely it wasn't just his companion, the moon, that had him feeling so alone. Right? Jimin's mind raced as he though of ways to convince the older male to come around, to let Jimin into his life. To let Jimin into his heart.

Soon, Jimin fell asleep, the night on the bridge replaying in his dreams.


	7. Chapter 7

"I'm home Chim!" Taehyung called from the hallway, startling Jimin awake. "Oh. I didn't know you were sleeping, sorry. You alright?" He continued as he appeared in the doorway to Jimin's room. Seeing how Jimin's eyes widened the younger grew slightly concerned.

"I'm fine Tae, you just scared me." Jimin croaked as he wiped his eyes.

"Sorry, you just don't really ever take naps during the day so I didn't think you'd be asleep. Why did you take a nap? Are you sick?" Taehyung shuffled to the side of the bed where Jimin lay to check his temperature.

"Yoongi! I must have fallen asleep after I sent him a message to meet. He may have answered by now," Opening the laptop quickly, Jimin read the notification and his chest grew tight with anticipation as he opened it.

'Hey Jimin. Meet me at the store at about four this afternoon.'  

That was all Yoongi wrote.

"Did he answer?" Taehyung asked, curiosity and slight concern lacing his voice.

"He wants me to meet him in like thirty minutes. I should get going." Jimin patted Taehyung on the shoulder as he quickly made his way to the bathroom to fix his hair before heading out the door. It was only about a five to ten minute walk to the bookstore but Jimin always did his best to be early anywhere he needed to go. 

As he entered the small familiar store, knots began to form in Jimin's stomach and chest in anticipation of seeing Yoongi again. The other male's response to Jimin's message seemed a bit monotonous and emotionless but Jimin decided that was just Yoongi. He wouldn't take it personally. Jimin glanced down at the silver watch on his arm which was given to him by his father as a birthday gift weeks ago. The time was now 3:58 and he felt the knots begin to climb from his stomach to his throat as he waited for Yoongi to arrive.

"Jimin," Yoongi  spoke softly as he approached Jimin from behind. 

"Yoongi, hey. How are you?" Jimin didn't fail to notice that Yoongi stood before him empty handed. 

"Can we take a walk?" Yoongi shifted his hands in his pocket. He was clearly feeling a bit anxious.

 

"Oh, yeah we can." Upon hearing Jimin's response, Yoongi turned for the door, not checking that the other was following; knowing he would be too curious, too concerned, by Yoongi's actions not to. 

 

They walked in silence for what felt like ages to Jimin, stopping at an old park. Jimin took in the scenery. He'd never been to this park before so it was unfamiliar. Tall trees without leaves surrounded a small playground and their branches almost seemed to be desperate fingers reaching to the sky for freedom. A long twisty pathway cut through the area with the occasional old wooden bench and trash barrel to provide rest. Yoongi led Jimin through the desolate park, seeming like he had a specific destination in mind. 

 

Finally Yoongi picked one of the benches marking that pathway and sat down, keeping his hands tucked away inside the pocket of the large gray hoodie he wore. He looks comfortable, Jimin thought as he placed himself on the bench beside Yoongi. 

 

"I used to come here a lot when I was younger. In high school mostly." Yoongi finally broke the silence but still refused to look at Jimin. I found it one night when I went out for a walk. I have always had night terrors. Around age fifteen, they progressed into full on anxiety attacks in the middle of the day. Social settings made it worse which made school difficult." Yoongi met Jimin's eyes with his own soft brown ones, "I've never known how to let people in. I've only ever been able to talk to the moon without feeling judged or scared. Now I realize I was pretty much just talking to myself all these years." His tongue darted out tow wet his lips as he finished talking, looking away from Jimin again.

"What about this park? Why is this where you wanted to talk?" Jimin asked, not sure where the conversation was going.

Yoongi moved his left foot to play with a dead leaf on the ground below. When his foot came into contact with the small brown wad, a faint crunching sound was heard.

"I feel safe here. This is where the majority of my conversations with my lunar companion were had during my high school days. It's where I used to come with someone I was close with and it just means a lot to me. I still come here sometimes. No matter the weather." Yoongi's voice was constantly low, and a bit rough, which made Jimin wonder if he really used it much.

Trying to bring the conversation around to his desired topic, Jimin spoke.

"I'm glad you feel safe here. You should have a place where you be comfortable enough to talk things through," He flashed Yoongi a warm smile that made the late November weather feel like early spring.

"Jimin, I didn't mean to make you think I wanted to spill my guts to you. I hadn't even planned on saying as much as I have. You have to realize that I'm an adult and I can handle myself." Yoongi said plainly.

"There's a screen on your chest, Yoongi."

"What?" Yoongi looked down to his chest to see if he found what Jimin had referenced. No screen, just a hoodie.

"Not an actual screen." Jimin chuckled slightly, leaning closer to Yoongi to place a warm hand on his chest. "Your heart shows though your words try to cover it's nature." He says, earning a look of confusion from Yoongi.

"Jimin that's ridiculous."

"Why didn't you bring the jacket?" Jimin raised an eyebrow as he questioned Yoongi.

"Wait, what?" Yoongi had just realized he hasn't had the item the entire time. "I could have sworn I brought it!" The blonde now stood up to look around the bench, even trying to see down the path from where he stood thinking maybe he just dropped it. Nope.

-The following contains descriptions of panic attacks and anxiety so if that's triggering or upsetting it's not necessary to read and skipping the rest of this part is advised-

Yoongi stood frozen as panic arose in his chest. No, he thought, not now. Not here. A single tear ran down Yoongi's cheek and fell onto his hoodie, turning a small spot of the fabric an even darker gray than before. His eyes locked on the ground at his feet and his hand began to tremble as they found their new place at his sides. Yoongi wanted to run. He wanted to run fast and far so that Jimin wouldn't see him like this. 

Too late.

"Hey, Yoongi." Jimin's voice was laced with worry and it made Yoongi's heart contract. "Yoongi what's wrong? Talk to me!" Jimin pleaded as he now stood before Yoongi, cupping the male's cheeks in his own small hands, staring into Yoongi's eyes like both of their lives depended on it.

More tears flowed from Yoongi's eyes now. Jimin wiped the wet strips from Yoongi's cheeks using his thumbs as he tried to pull Yoongi from his petrified state.

Finally tearing his eyes away from his feet, Yoongi looked into Jimin's once more. He stared into the brown orbs before him only to find them looking back at him full of worry and hurt. Why did Jimin look so hurt?

 

Jimin didn't know what to do but to engulf the mess of a man into a tight embrace. Protect him. He felt that if Yoongi had to explode, if he had to break down, to fall to pieces in that very moment, holding tightly to him would prevent him from scattering into oblivion. 

"I'm here, Yoongi. I don't want to let you go. Not alone. Not anymore." Jimin spoke into Yoongi's ear as he rubbed gentle circles into his back. 

"Jimin," Yoongi croaked between sobs, "Thank you."


	8. Chapter 8

Yoongi's panic attack scared Jimin. More than that though, Jimin felt useless. Yoongi stood in his arms, in the cold, in the middle of a park, sobbing and Jimin had no idea why or how to help him. 

Eventually Yoongi had calmed down enough for Jimin to convince him to walk someplace and get in doors before they both got sick. 

Yoongi's breaths were ragged and almost seemed forced and Jimin was growing increasingly worried for him. What had triggered this? Was it Jimin's fault? Had he put Yoongi on the spot too suddenly?

If he was being honest, even Yoongi himself didn't know what happened. He's been having such random attacks lately and of course his luck (or lack thereof) would cause him to once again look weak and helpless in Jimin's presence. He hated the way Jimin looked at him as if he were made of glass with a crack down the middle, on the verge of shattering at any moment. He hated the way Jimin really does seem to see through him despite only meeting him days ago. Something about Jimin just made Yoongi feel uncomfortable and exposed in his moments of weakness, as it did when they met in the store the day before. Jimin knew nothing about Yoongi but somehow seemed to know everything. Jimin intimidated Yoongi in a way-not that Yoongi was afraid of being harmed by him, but more that they'd both end up getting hurt. 

With a head spinning and heart aching Yoongi had composed his thoughts enough to realize that wasn't sure where they were. He looked to Jimin to find him sticking a key into the knob of a door Yoongi had never seen before. As the door opened Jimin gently guided Yoongi inside of the small apartment and sat the two of them down on a soft couch centered in front of a television set. The room was full of soft, happy colors and photographs lined the walls, displaying memories that Yoongi could only assume belonged to Jimin and his friends. Yoongi recognized Jimin's sweet, warm smile in each photograph radiating happiness and light. 

In most of the photos Yoongi also noticed that Jimin's smile was usually accompanied by an equally heart-warming boxy one. The second male looked around the same age whilst also making Jimin look like a child due to his height. Yoongi looks at one photo in particular. The unidentified male had one arm draped over Jimin's shoulder and the two seemed to be laughing. Yoongi noted how natural and simple the photo looked. He almost felt envious of how happy the pair looked. 

They must be really close. Yoongi frowned. 

"Yoongi?" The soft voice beside him reached past Yoongi's eardrums and touched his stomach, causing the anxious feeling that had begun to subside to now resurrect with a vengeance. As he was ripped from his thoughts he realized he had fixated; choosing one item or topic to focus on to avoid whatever made him anxious. 

"Yoongi, you're spacing." Jimin gently rested his warm hand over Yoongi's cold one where it was laid over his thigh.

Unintentionally, Yoongi quickly jolted his hand back, retreating into his hoodie for warmth and sanctuary. The apartment where the two were now sitting was warm, yes, but something inside of Yoongi always made him feel cold. Like he was forever frozen to his very core, even to the touch. Jimin's eyes darted around Yoongi's face, trying as hard as possible to find any sign that he was actually with him.

Jimin could see Yoongi, and he could touch Yoongi-much to the other's dismay-but he couldn't sense Yoongi. It was like Yoongi was present only physically, but his mind had drifted far into the nothingness of the universe. Jimin absolutely hated how distant Yoongi was. He wanted nothing more than for the blonde boy before him to cave, to let Jimin in and bare his soul for him to see and love and heal. 

The sound of a door opening cut through the quiet tension like a knight with a sword, Taehyung appearing from the hallway looking at the pair on the couch in confusion. Right away Yoongi recognized the boy's soft features and tall form as the other person in the photos with Jimin. Suddenly he felt extremely nauseous and the urgency to leave clawed and his lungs, causing his breathing to hitch. 

"I have to go," Yoongi tried to get up but Jimin grabbed his arm, nearly pulling his hand from its cave of safety. He stood frozen again, fixated once more, this time on Jimin's hand clasped firmly but gently around his wrist. Once again, Jimin treated him as if he would break. 

"Why do you keep running away from me? What are you so afraid of?" The pleading tone in Jimin's voice caught Yoongi by surprise and earned him a confused look from Taehyung. 

Taehyung. Yoongi's eyes drifted over to where the third male stood, seeming just as confused as Yoongi was anxious. Yoongi was now looked onto Taehyung, eyes flitting up and down to assess his form. The other was very attractive to say the least, soft facial features made him seem approachable, but a strong jawline gave him a slightly intimidating vibe. 

Taehyung returned Yoongi's stare, sheer confusion pulling at his eyes as he shot Jimin a look as if asking him to explain, so Jimin does. 

"Tae, this is Yoongi. Yoongi, this is my best friend and roommate, Taehyung." Jimin smiled as he tried to ignore the awkward silence that fell once more. 

"It's nice to meet you Yoongi," Taehyung piped after a few moments, offering Yoongi a hand to shake. The deep, raspy voice that cane from the other male made Yoongi jumped slightly in surprise. Timidly, he finally accepted the gesture and quickly replaced his hand into his pocket, still silently pleading for Jimin to release his grip on the other. 

"Yeah, you too." Was all Yoongi could manage without erupting butterflies-more like angry moths-from his stomach. His anxiety truly had gotten immeasurably worse since he lost his nightly companion, and he had no idea how to make it stop. "I'm sorry," His voice was just above a whisper and he prayed he wouldn't have to speak up for them to hear. He didn't have the strength. "I probably shouldn't be here, and I need to, um, check on my dog. He gets nervous at home alone for too long," Yoongi finished, glancing back down and his wrist as he felt Jimin's grip loosen and let go. 

Freedom. 

"Let me drive you. I know where it is and it's getting colder out." Jimin offered, not wanting Yoongi to leave but not willing to force him to stay. 

Yoongi only nodded, shooting Taehyung an apologetic look and mumbled 'nice to meet you's and 'sorry's as he and Jimin mad their way to the door. 

"I'll be back soon," Jimin called as he grabs his keys on his way out. The pair left, leaving Taehyung still standing in the hallway, and still very, very confused.


	9. Chapter 9

As Jimin pulled his car into the parking garage designated for his apartment building something inside of him didn't feel quite right. His mind was as foggy as the spooky old cemeteries you see in horror movie and his knee wouldn't stop bouncing. He'd just taken Yoongi home but leaving him just didn't sit well with Jimin. 

He just had a really bad feeling. 

Jimin didn't get out of his car right away. Instead, he shut off the engine and pulled his phone out his back jean pocket. Jimin was subconsciously hoping that Yoongi had tried to reach him again, be there was nothing but a reminder of his shift starting an a couple of hours. 

Jimin worked a late-night shift as a nurse at a local hospital. He was always happy to help people heal and get better, but always a bit sad to see his friends-the patients he helped treat-leave. The bittersweet feeling mad Jimin love what he did so much more and he hardly ever thought twice about the job. 

The only time his work became hard for him was when a patient passed on, especially during his shift. Jimin had once befriended an ailing elderly man, bring him special treats and visiting with him during breaks and downtime. He knew the man's condition and understood that it would only be a matter of time, but the man reminded Jimin a lot of his own grandfather, who had passed the previous year. With no family to come and visit him, Jimin had-in true Jimin fashion-taken it upon himself to be that for the man. 

When Jimin entered the man's room on the day he passed he had already sensed the shift in the atmosphere. The man's breathing had become sparse and was gradually decreasing in speed until late in the evening, about halfway through Jimin's shift, that man had passed and Jimin had to take the rest of the evening and the following night off of work. He didn't take it well at all. Taehyung had to make an emergency trip at around three in the morning that night to whatever store was open so late and buy several tubs of Jimin's favorite ice cream. It helped a little. 

Eventually, after having refreshing all of his media, hoping for any form of contact from Yoongi and realizing he wouldn't likely get anything, Jimin decided to get out of his car. Before leaving Yoongi's home, Jimin had noticed a notepad lying on the counter in the kitchen and chose to leave his phone number with a note that read 'If you need anything please don't hesitate to call no matter what time it is. -park jimin' in hopes that Yoongi would at least text. He hadn't. Jimin hit the button on the small keychain and began walking away when only after he heard the satisfying chirp that notified him that the small, navy blue vehicle was locked up tight. He made his way to his apartment, still feeling like he dropped his stomach back at Yoongi's apartment. 

Yoongi was a grown man, more than capable of taking care of himself. Jimin simply didn't trust that he would. He justified this worry by recalling how they met. A moment of weakness, Yoongi had called it. And maybe that's all it was. But even being total strangers at the time, that 'moment of weakness' had frightened Jimin half to death. 

A lot of things about his encounters with Yoongi raised flags with Jimin. The first time they spoke, Yoongi was literally standing at the edge of something; an internal struggle as well as the bridge that night. It had seemed as though, even in the situation, Yoongi was calm. The next time they'd seen each other Yoongi's aura no longer felt calm, it almost screamed at Jimin, willing him to step in, to save Yoongi, to cancel out the spiteful and hateful voices inside of his head with Jimin's own sweet, soothing one. After that they'd met and went to the park, where Yoongi suddenly fell victim to a panic attack, once again aching to be saved. 

That's it, Jimin huffed as he reached the door to the apartment. 

Jimin would not be discouraged. He had made his mind up, and he would help Yoongi and he would do it his own way. It was his mission, assigned to him, by him.

"Tae? I'm back," He called into the dimly lit hallway, placing his keys and wallet into the small bowl atop the waist-high table placed next to the door. Picking up the mail from the spot where Taehyung usually dropped it, not bothering to open it for days, to sort through which items were his and which were addressed to his roommate, Jimin noticed one envelope in particular, all mailing information was handwritten. Personal, addressed to him. Immediately Jimin recognized the penmanship; his mother's. Why was his mother writing to him? She would normally just call.

A small wave of confusion and curiosity, with a tinge of worry washed over Jimin as he abandoned the rest of the mail for the time being to open what he assumed was a letter. As soon as his eyes found the first words he became lost to his surroundings as he read his mother's words.

Jimin,

I'm sorry to write to you so suddenly and I'm sorry that I've no good news to offer. I regret to inform you-

Jimin froze as he continued, the words written on the paper clutched between his thumbs and forefingers bore no physical ability to harm, but why did his chest hurt? Why did his mouth suddenly feel as though he'd swallowed an entire ocean? Why did his knees grow weak, causing him to fall into a kneeling position in the hallway?

"Jimin? Hey! Jimin, what's wrong?" Taehyung had passed by on his way to the kitchen when he noticed Jimin's clearly disheveled state. "Jimin! Talk to me," He knelt down to look into Jimin's eyes and saw nothing but pain, and it hurt him to see Jimin this way.

Jimin's eyes stung and his chest tightened and his throat was parched. It wasn't until he looked up to meet Taehyung's eyes that the tears finally fell from his own. His fists balled and the letter was now left a crumpled mess.

"He's dead," Was all Jimin could manage before sobbing into his best friend's shoulder, still clutching the letter to his chest.Taehyung assumed that Jimin was referring to Yoongi, because he hadn't noticed the letter he'd been gripping with his life. Instinctively, Taehyung's arms wrapped around the body of his best friend, embracing him and praying that this would all be a dream when he woke in the morning.

 

"Oh my god, what? What happened?" Taehyung spoke softly but with an equal urgency. Jimin had to let him help. He had to let someone be there for him for a change. Instead of speaking, the crying male simply held up the letter for Taehyung to take. Cautiously, he brought a hand up from where it had been resting at the middle of Jimin's back. After battling to straighten the paper out for a moment, Taehyung's assumption was proven wrong and the truth may have even been worse. 

Jimin,

I'm sorry to write to you so suddenly and I'm sorry that I've no good news to offer. I regret to inform you that your father has passed away. There was an accident when he was going to work in the morning, and he didn't make it. I know it's a bit cruel to deliver such news in a letter and not on the phone at the very least, but I'm afraid this is the most I could manage. I couldn't hear your voice, or see your face, the heartbreak you would feel would kill me, as well. I promise I'll visit in the coming months. By the time this makes its way to you it will probably have been about a week, and I'm so sorry, but maybe you'll be thankful for the slight delay; they do say ignorance is bliss. Please just remember that I love you and I truly am sorry, Chim.

I'll end this here because I'm sure you'll have had to stop reading, but please remember to take care of yourself. You know how your father always stressed that you worry too much for others and not yourself, so keep that in mind.

With love, and regret,

Mother.

Taehyung's heart, as well as the rest of him wept for Jimin. The boy and his father had always had a really strong bond, one that would warm anyone's heart. Even after Jimin moved far from home, he called his father regularly just to talk about nothing, even video-chatting so often just to see each other. It truly was rather cruel for his mother to deliver such news this way. Cowardly, if you asked Taehyung.

Suddenly, Jimin's sniffling had stopped and he pulled away from the remainder of Taehyung's grip. Rising to his feet, Jimin's face looked bitter, it left a sour taste it Taehyung's mouth. He'd never seen this look from Jimin before, it is wasn't one he wants to see many more times in the future. 

Jimin just glanced down at the watch on his right arm; 7:26 pm. 

"I'm gonna go shower and get ready for work." With that, Jimin walked away from Taehyung, who was still crouched on the floor in disbelief. Now he was the one clinging to the letter.


	10. Chapter 10

Yoongi was jolted awake by the sound of yapping rising from the floor below him and sinking into his eardrums in an excruciating attempt made by his furry companion to alert him that he was in need of a walk. Yoongi hadn't planned on napping, but his migraine decided it was necessary, considering he'd already called for the next day off of work. 

He couldn't figure it out; he regularly got headaches, minor, dull, and a bit irritating, but not normally to this extent. For going on two days now, Yoongi's head felt as though he'd been stabbed a million times just behind his right eye and the pain wouldn't let up. 

Sitting up with a grown, he felt around the bedside table for his phone. The device was hardly good for much besides giving him the time and making appointments, not that he'd done much of that lately. The occasional notification from his mother was always dreaded. She stressed Yoongi out even more and worse, did it on purpose. 

Finally he found the small gray item and gave himself a moment to adjust his eyes before turning it on. Expecting nothing, but slightly hoping, Yoongi let out a small sigh as he saw no new notifications. Jimin hadn't tried to contact him since he took him home that night. Was he waiting for Yoongi to call? Was he backing off because Yoongi hadn't showed interest?

He was interested though. 

After a moment of wondering why Jimin hadn't been around and trying to quiet his barking fur-ball, Yoongi made a bold decision. Well, more bold than anything he's really ever attempted on his own. 

With the phone still in hand, he made his way out of his bedroom and into his kitchen where Jimin's note still lay on the counter. 

Drawing in a breath and hoping he wouldn't regret what he was about to do, he dialed the number and put the phone to his ear. Walking around aimlessly for a bit he eventually ended up in his favorite chair. It sat positioned to give him the perfect view of the city from i side the doors of his balcony. For the days when it's just too cold to step outside. 

After a few more rings a familiar soft voice floods Yoongi's consciousness. "Hello?" He sounds tired, Yoongi noted this, a tinge of guilt pinging at his heart. 

"Jimin? Sorry of course you're probably wond-" Yoongi tried to explain himself but Jimin cut him off. 

"Oh, Yoongi? How are you?" His voice sounded a little less tired and a little lighter. "I honestly didn't think you'd ever call,"

"Frankly, me neither. But I was kind of surprised to not hear from you and then my dog needs to go out so I was going to walk him and I just wondered if maybe you'd want to join us?" Yoongi hadn't realized he'd said all of that in one breath until he finished and gasped, hearing a small chuckle on the other line. 

"Wow breathe, Yoongi. I'd love to go for a walk with the two of you, except I'm away at the moment." Something in Yoongi's stomach was uneasy upon hearing Jimin's words. "I'm staying at my Mom's for a couple of days. I'll be back on the fifth though, if you want to plan something." Jimin explained, and Yoongi felt a slight disappointment bubble in his chest. 

It's funny really, how Yoongi wants to see Jimin despite his clear discomfort at the idea of forming relationships.

Yoongi just mumbled to himself a moment before he realized Jimin was still on the phone. 

"Okay, yeah we can do that. Sorry to bother you while you're away." He said, preparing to hang up. 

"Yoongi?" Jimin's voice was a bit louder, like he knew the other was ready to remove the device from his ear. "Don't apologize." He said, and then hung up. 

Yoongi's head hurt more now and his canine friend was now bouncing around by the front door itching to go out. Really there was hardly anything going on in his life; so why did Yoongi always feel so utterly overwhelmed?

He always felt his will to go on teetering on the edge of nothing. How long would it take to finally tip it over? How much of nothing could Yoongi handle? It felt that every small, mundane thing was suddenly a hurricane in his mind, floodwaters draining from his eyes in massive waves of panic. Panic attacks were beginning to consume his life, becoming more frequent with each one.


	11. Chapter 11

It never mattered to Jimin how he felt. He spent so much time feeding off of the energy of people around him that the only thing he cared to do was help others. He never felt that he needed to be picked up; the happiness he gave others was enough for him. How could he ever want anything more? The ones he cared for were smiling and laughing right next to him so why should anything else matter?

Jimin had stopped smiling since he read his mother's letter. When he found himself sitting on his old bed, in his old room, in his old home, where he spent so many happy days and moments with friends and family, Jimin only felt empty. He was home, and surrounded by family that he loved and missed in a place that used to mean so much to him. Without his father. 

When Jimin had first arrived, the first thing he did was go to his parents' closet. He needed something with his father's scent. He found an old yellow sweater, soft and warm. Jimin had always loved this sweater. As a child, whenever he couldn't sleep his father would pull out the old mustard colored item and wrap it around his son for safety and warmth. It was worn and beaten down from many years of use, even before Jimin's time. The sleeves were tattered with small holes from being snagged on fishing and camping trips. 

Jimin decided he would keep the sweater. 

Sat in his old room, sweater draped over his shoulders, legs swung over the edge of his old bed, Jimin cried again. The only time he'd cried for his father was in the moments after having read the letter, and that had been short lived due to shock. This time though, there were no sobs. Jimin's body didn't shake and his hands never left his knees. Tears simply burned hot trails on his cheeks and he sniffled as his nose began to run. Jimin hadn't lost his composure. 

The sudden ringing of his phone pulled him from his grief and he almost didn't answer when he read 'Unknown Caller'.

"Hello?" Jimin questioned quietly, expecting the call to be some credit scam or telemarketer but too exhausted to care. The voice he heard instead surprised him, sobering his thoughts. 

"Jimin? Sorry of course you're probably wond-" Jimin cut the nervous boy off, excited to hear from him first for a change. 

"Oh, Yoongi? How are you?" His instincts to check on others first took control of his tongue briefly. "I honestly didn't think you'd ever call."

"Frankly, me neither. But I was kind of surprised to not hear from you and then my dog needs to go out so I was going to walk him and I just wondered if maybe you'd want to join us?" Jimin could hear the sharp inhale from the other male as he finished speaking and honestly found it adorable. 

"Wow breathe, Yoongi," he chuckled lightly but knew Yoongi would hear him. "I'd love to go for a walk with the two of you, except I'm away at the moment." Jimin's heart ached at the act if turning Yoongi down. "I'm at my mom's for a couple of days. I'll be back on the fifth though, if you want to plan something?" He hoped that offer would help himself feel better, but it didn't really. He could tell that Yoongi had mumbled something to himself, but didn't press to know. 

"Okay," Yoongi spoke after a moment. "Yeah we can do that. Sorry to bother you while you're away." Jimin's heart twitched at the truly apologetic tone in Yoongi's voice and he could tell the conversation was final at this point but had to say something. 

"Yoongi?"Jimin raised his voice a bit in hopes that Yoongi would hear before he hung up. "Don't apologize." 

Unsure whether Yoongi had heard or not, Jimin ended the call and stared at the number on his recent call list. Before he could forget he added a new contact to his device. 

'Moon Prince✨'

Satisfied with the new addition to his phone book, Jimin stood from the bed and made his way downstairs for a drink. A strong one. 

One thing Jimin could always count on when visiting his old family hone was the fact that the house almost never changed. His parents never cared much for change, so the paint colors and the carpeting and every small detail in between had always remained just how Jimin remembered. Right down to the sane old wobbly handrail on the staircase. His father was supposed to fix it-years ago, but he never did get around to doing that. 

And now he never would. 

"Oh, Jimin! Can you come over here please?" His mother called from the living room. She must have spotted him when he stopped to inspect the rail. 

"What's up mom?" The tiny spark of energy he'd gained while talking to Yoongi was long gone now and he only wished he could've remained on the phone with the blonde for the rest of this trip. Just two more days, he tells himself; it doesn't help. Not really. 

"Nothing major, just that I need you to stay with your brothers for the night, I'm going to go out with your aunt." She spoke cautiously, as if afraid of Jimin's reaction.

Rightfully so.

"Going out? As in to a bar? For fun?" Jimin's voice was laced with a venom his mother had never heard from him; it frightened her a bit.

""Fun? Jimin, of course not. I just think I could use a drink after, well, the funeral and the burial. It's just been a lot." Jimin wasn't sure if his mother actually believed the blatant lies she spewed or if it was just an act. Either way, he knew better.

"Jeez mom, let the dirt settle on your husband's grave before you go out try to get with some drunken idiot. The man isn't even cold yet!" 

Flesh connecting with flesh in a loud smack was the only sound in the room after Jimin's outburst. His mother had struck him before, but not since he was a child. Shock soon filled her eyes and her hand clapped over her mouth in an instant.

"Jimin, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to-" 

"No mom, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I stayed with you these days. I'm sorry that I'm leaving the boys with you sooner than planned, but I won't watch you try to erase my father and I damn sure won't help you do it."

Jimin's feet moved before his mind could protest, and he was out the door, coatless, not caring about the bite of the cold. 

Jimin just needed to run.

The only sounds to be heard were those of hard footfalls on the gravel road and the panting of a chest on fire. Thin December air makes it hard enough to draw proper breaths as it is, but he'd been running for what felt like hours-however it'd only been minutes, and struggling to pull the oxygen from the world around him. 

 

He wouldn't stop though. There was nothing to stop for. The new-morning air, thick with fog from the night which was only a couple of hours ago now, offered him the hope for a clear head. The world around him lit only by the occasional fleeting street lamps and the moon overhead, reminded him of the beautiful but dimming soul he wanted to love back to life. So he ran. 

 

He ran past clusters of balding trees as they loomed over his head on either side of him, offering him an inexplicable sense of security. He ran past fences and fields where the occasional critter would dwell, not really catching his attention. 

 

There was no destination. Having a destination would imply that he'd thought about it first; he hadn't. Each trek he'd embarked on in his life had a set destination. Every step planned elaborately in advance, leaving nothing unexpected to be desired. Finally he'd had enough. So he ran. 

 

The burning in his lungs only made him pick his feet up and slam them back into the gravely earth harder, only made him run faster. The aching in his legs and thighs only made him itch to keep pushing forward. The cold terrorizing his nose and lungs only made him want to get away more. He felt that this, anything, would be better than watching his mother destroy everything from the life he used to know. At some point he even began to think that he would run so hard the his feet would fuse with the ground and he'd be stuck there forever. But still he ran harder. 

 

When tears began to sting behind his eyes he knew he should stop, he knew he should rest. But along with the realization that he didn't recognize where he was, came the sensation of freedom; something he hadn't felt in far too long. He wouldn't stop running, feeling this sensation, until he physically couldn't run any longer. He kept running. 

 

He was so lost in his own head that he forgot to monitor where his aching feet fell. His speed, in any other case, would have been impressive. In this case, however, it only appeared to hinder his stability. 

 

With a slightly foggy world around him and a highly overcast mind, he lost his footing. His right foot falling out of sync with his left sent him tumbling to the gravel below him. His previous speed now evident on his flesh. 

 

Blood had begun to darken his once-light-colored jeans and fresh rips had surfaced on his knees- jeans and skin alike. Bits of gravel and dirt collected in the wounds, being coated in a fresh layer of red. Sucking in a sharp breath of air, he assessed the damage to his palms. Larger abrasions had formed where he attempted to break his own fall, to no avail. Like the knees, bits of gravel were lodged under the skin of his small hands, but he decided not to pay them any mind. 

 

Wincing slightly in pain, he stood up and began to walk in the very same direction he'd been running. His pace slow and steady, adjusting his wounded knees to the feeling of bending again, he quickened his steps once more. The pain had by no means been subtle. There's no doubt that some of the scrapes and cuts may have needed stitches and joints may have even been sprained on landing; he didn't care. He was running again. 

He'd run until he couldn't any longer. He'd stop only when he reached home. He'll run and run and run until he felt that he had nothing left to run from. Even though he hadn't the slightest clue whether he'd be accepted in the way he needed; Jimin ran.

He ran to Yoongi.


	12. Chapter 12

Yoongi had only gone out to walk his dog, but found himself sitting on the same bench in the same park he'd taken Jimin to.

Jimin.

The boy had consumed Yoongi's mind and disturbed his heart in ways that others had never managed. He wasn't even sure how Jimin had done this. They'd spoken a handful of times, only met so Yoongi could return a jacket, which he still hadn't done. 

And yet here Yoongi was, craving the company of the boy he'd sworn not to get involved with. He wanted to feel Jimin's hand n his again like he had when he was panicking. Yoongi wanted to look into Jimin's eyes and see the warmth and security he had the night Jimin took him home.

Home.

Yoongi's 'home' was a small apartment that hardly felt comfortable. It hardly felt safe anymore. The blank walls and bare floors sent an uneasy feeling into the pit of Yoongi's stomach. He'd attempted to cover the walls with paintings and the floors with rugs but it didn't change anything. Yoongi felt uneasy there because he was completely and utterly alone. 

He'd gotten a dog to fill the space, and the quiet. It helped. The small rust-colored ball of fur had become the only enjoyment Yoongi found in his daily life anymore. The animal was the only thing that made Yoongi feel loved; he felt needed. This small being depended on him, for food and water, for comfort and companionship. Yoongi liked to be needed. But it seemed he needed others more than anyone needed him.

He'd come to ponder over the probability that he'd needed Jimin to show up on the bridge that night. If not Jimin then someone. Anyone. Yoongi just needed someone to prove that he wouldn't have been alone. If no one had shown up and talked him down, then what might have become of his beloved four-legged friend? Yoongi feels guilty just remembering what he'd almost done. Nearly abandoning such a helpless and innocent creature would have been an unforgivable act. 

Yoongi is a helpless and innocent creature in his own right, not that he realizes. 

To be saved is to be weak, as Yoongi's mother had always told him. He couldn't remember the last time he'd spoken to either of his parents. Each time he had, it always went the same general way. His father would begin nagging that he was too weak of a man, his mother would gripe that he didn't have a wife and kids yet, his father would groan and complain that he should have a real job, and Yoongi would end up walking away or hanging up the phone. Yoongi loved his parents, but from a safe distance. 

Being an adult, one would think that Yoongi should be free of his parents' nagging and looming over his life. That wasn't the case though. The want his parents have for control of Yoongi's life is a raincloud that just won't disperse from above him. Their anger at his reluctance to listen to them comes in booming claps of thunder an bolts of lightning fly from their eyes in his direction but Yoongi refuses to let them have the one thing that he actually chose inn his life; his job.

Working at the book store is the thing that calms Yoongi's nerves and he works as many hours as possible to keep busy. To keep from going completely crazy. On days that he doesn't work, like the one he's managed to quite literally walk into, Yoongi spends his time with his dog. He walks him, plays with him, and naps with him if the two feel up to it. The bond with the animal is the only relationship Yoongi doesn't see crumbling into nothing, the way all of his others have done. 

Sitting on the bench, Yoongi's mind wonders all over the world and all over time, to past memories he'd forgotten to recent ones he almost wished he didn't have. 

His brother kept surfacing in his mind at the time. The bench used to be their place' when their parents fought, when their minds were heavy, when they'd gotten into trouble it was always their first destination. The trees had grown up to form a prefect canopy over the path through the park which made it easier to sit on the benches that lined it. The shade kept them cooler in the warm whether and dryer in the wet and cold. 

Yoongi missed his brother. He hadn't spoken to him in ages, but unlike their parents, Yoongi remembered exactly when he'd spoken to his brother last.

Six years ago. 

He and the older had fought, Not a simple sibling squabble that would be forgotten after a day or two, but a fight that began with screaming and ending in fists flying and bloody, battered faces. The older had sworn to never speak to Yoongi again. 'Don't even expect to be invited to my funeral' he'd spewed in anger as Yoongi left without a word, he simply raised one of his bloody hands with a single finger stuck up. His final gesture to the older was one that he regretted.

Yoongi grew to regret the entire fight. It wasn't worth losing the only friend he'd ever had.

"Yoongi?" A voice erupted from the silence behind the blonde, causing him to take a sharp inhale of breath. His heartbeat quickened and his palms began to sweat, despite the temperature being near freezing.

"Jimin?" Disbelief ran through Yoongi as he turned toward the younger, immediately noticing his lack of warm clothing. His instincts acted before he could try to do anything else and he jumped up from his spot on the old wooden bench and wrapped he arms, and as much of his coat as he could manage, around the boy's cold frame. "Jimin you're turning blue. Come on we need to get you inside." Taking his own coat off he draped it over Jimin's shoulders. Jimin didn't protest, he barely even lifted his head enough for Yoongi to find his face. Lips turning shades of violet with cold. He looked so lost. So cold.

Worry stabbed at Yoongi's chest when he noticed the scrapes and rips on Jimin's knees. 

Looking into Jimin's eyes, Yoongi saw something he recognized too well. Emptiness. Was this the same boy he'd spoken to over the phone only a few hours ago? He seemed tired but only slightly, so what happened?

With one arm draped around Jimin's waist inside the coat to give some sort of warmth and the other holding his beloved pooch's lead, he guided the both of them back toward his apartment. Jimin and Taehyung's apartment was further and it was too late and Jimin was too cold and weak and plain unwell to make the trek all the way there. 

Yoongi would be lucky to make it to his own without having to carry the younger.


	13. Chapter 13

Jimin had never felt this way before. Not once had he ever been so weak, mentally and physically, that someone would actually have to practically carry in from the cold because he was so out of it that he couldn't speak. 

That's another thing. 

Jimin was with Yoongi in the time when he needed him most; and didn't even register either fact. 

Any other time, when Jimin could behave normally, he'd be trying his best to make the older smile. 

And then yet another realization hit Jimin. 

He'd never seen the older smile, not really. And suddenly his heart hurt for another reason. Was Yoongi really so sad? Or had Jimin just failed him? Either way, Jimin had to mend that. 

Another time though. 

It actually seemed that in the moment, upon seeing Jimin, cold and bleeding, Yoongi's ever-prominent frown deepened and his eyes softened more than Jimin could see. He wasn't really in a 'note every detail of the beautiful man's demeanor' kind of mood at the moment. 

He hadn't meant to run to Yoongi. The last thing Jimin would want to do at nearly three in the morning was bother Yoongi.

He also didn't want Yoongi to see him in this state; broken and cold and lost. Of course he wasn't literally lost. Jimin figured his feet were carrying him home.

They carried him to Yoongi, quite directly at that. He couldn't find the words, but he wanted to speak. Oh, how he wanted to ask Yoongi if he was alright, to tell him to take the jacket back, that he needed to be warm too. He wanted to say that it was unsafe to be out so late and that he shouldn't be so reckless in such a big city. Jimin only wanted to protect Yoongi, but instead, he found himself being hugged to the elder's side, he noticed that Yoongi's hand rubbed little circles on the small of his back and he realized that he was mumbling something that Jimin couldn't quite make out through his daze.

But Yoongi continued rubbing and continued talking until they reached his apartment, nly a few blocks from the park, luckily.

Carefully-as if he were made of glass-Yoongi ushered Jimin so sit in the brown recliner near the door to the balcony of the apartment. After pressing a few buttons on a small remote attached to the chair by a white chord, Yoongi spoke, louder than the previous mumbles, and startled Jimin a bit.

"This should warm up in just a minute, so don't worry." He said as he turned to the couch just to the right of Jimin's current seating position and grabbed a blanket. 

"I'm fine," Jimin croaked, the sound of his voice revealing the lie in his words.

Jimin swore to himself when he met Taehyung, small and frail and in need of a savior, that he wouldn't show weakness around people he cared for. He vowed to always be strong for them because he was no good to anyone otherwise.

So why, in this room, with this blonde, did Jimin want to spill his guts and break down? Why was he so close to doing the one thing he'd managed to avoid for years? And why was Yoongi staring into his eyes, no, his soul like he could see every secret and every lie Jimin had ever kept or told?

"Your hands and knees look like they need stitches and you were outside in the cold for God knows how long in a t-shirt and ripped jeans. You're clearly not fine Jimin." He turned and walked down the small hall, leaving Jimin's sight.

"I'll clean them the best I can, but you're going to need to see a doctor to be safe, okay?" Yoongi spoke again, returning to view with a small first aid kit and pair of tweezers.

All Jimin could do was nod.

Slowly, as if afraid to spook the younger, Yoongi knelt on the floor in front of Jimin and gently grabbed one of his hands from where he was subconsciously gripping his jeans. The blood had mostly dried but a few of the abrasions had re-opened from where Jimin rubbed them too hard on the fabric. Jimin was clearly still in some sort of shock; he didn't even flinch as Yoongi pulled the bits of rock and dirt from his wounds and dabbed sterile cloth on them. Yoongi was thankful for this though, it made the wounds easier to clean and wrap. At some point, Jimin found his eyes looked on Yoongi's face, in awe of how beautiful the blonde was, without even trying to be. Feeling eyes on him, Yoongi looked up from Jimin's hand to meet his gaze. The look shared was different to each of them. To Yoongi, Jimin, the one who wants to fix Yoongi, the one who saved Yoongi from himself once already, needed help, and he was willing to give it because for some reason Yoongi felt connected to Jimin. To Jimin, Yoongi, the one person he had his heart set on saving was now working on fixing him. This made Jimin feel weak, lousy. 

Still though, he just watched as Yoongi worked on his cuts and scrapes as if it were the most intriguing thing Jimin had ever witnessed. Jimin stared mindlessly as the elder's fingers wrapped gently around his wrist and his eyes stayed intently focused on the task before him. Funny, he thought, he's the nurse and yet Yoongi was the one fixing him up. Ironic. 

After finishing up the other hand and both of Jimin's knees-which weren't quite as damaged as his hands thanks to the thick denim fabric of the jeans he wore- Yoongi gathered his supplies and just as he made a move to stand, a small hand gripped the sleeve of his sweater, not tight enough to stretch the material but just enough to stop Yoongi in his tracks.

"Don't leave me, please." Jimin's voice was low, barely above a whisper. He knew if he spoke any louder the floodgates in his eyes would open and he wasn't ready to totally break in front of Yoongi yet.

Still though, the boy's words made Yoongi's heart falter a bit in his chest. It reminded Yoongi of the way he pleaded for his brother to stay with him, years ago. Unlike his brother had done  then, Yoongi wouldn't leave Jimin crying and cold and alone.

"Leave you? I was just going to put this kit back in the bathroom cabinet. I wasn't going to leave you, Jimin."

"My dad left me, without any kind of warning. I was the last to know but he left." Yoongi didn't know what Jimin meant, and Jimin didn't know what he was saying or why, but he choked out one last question before he stopped fighting back the tears. "Why do people have to leave us, Yoongi?"

Yoongi placed the kit back beside him on the floor and knelt in front of Jimin's chair again. This time, he-carefully-took both of Jimin's hands in his own and studied his face before he spoke, "Jimin, I don't know what happened with your father, but I promise you, right now, I'm not leaving you." 

Not right now, Jimin thought, but someday you will, and everyone else. 

"I try so hard to make people want to stay. I try to fix people and make them happy because, who would abandon something that made them happy? My friends think I don't realize how I am but I do and I don't mind." Jimin's tears came at a steady rate as he spoke, but his voice remained low and smooth. "I don't want people to leave. I'm terrified of it. Taehyung, Namjoon, Seokjin, Hoseok, Jeongguk, and you now. My dad left. He left home in his truck and never made it back. I'll never be able to see him again, or to call him again." A distant look crept up into his eyes as he turned his head to look out over the city. Surprisingly, a lot of activity down there at this hour. 

The realization of what Jimin was saying finally dawned on Yoongi and he mentally kicked himself for not catching it to begin with.

"Jimin, your dad didn't choose to leave. And none of your friends will either. If they're true to you and they love you for you, and not what you've done for them then they'll be with you for as long as they possibly can."

Jimin still kept his eyes trained on the skyline.

"When we met at your bookstore, you told me that you wanted nothing to do with me."

Guilt ate at Yoongi's chest and he felt butterflies in his stomach. But bad butterflies. He felt moths in his stomach.

"I did. But Jimin, not wanting something, and not needing something are different. I may very well have needed you to warm up the parts of me that have been frozen and cold for years."

"I'm cold right now. And we've hardly interacted."

"Jimin, you saw me through a panic attack. I've had them for years and any time someone was around for one they would tell me to snap out of it or just ignore. I don't think anyone had ever actually tried to help before you." 

Jimin was looking into Yoongi's eyes now. He hadn't realized how beautiful they were before. They looked as if they held the entire night sky and Jimin found himself unable to look away.   
"The moon is your thing, but I've always found the stars to be more complex. Stunning." Jimin spoke, the sudden random statement about stars confusing Yoongi but still neither moved. 

"What?" Yoongi asked. 

"I've always loved to look at the stars. They're beautiful and a bit mystical. And you've got millions of them in your eyes."

"My eyes?"

"I want to sit on the couch, if that's okay."

Jimin could practically see the tiny bit of concern that sparked within the dark orbs he'd been studying. 

"The couch? Are you warm enough?"

"Are you only capable of answering my questions with more questions?"

"Am I?"

A small smile played at Jimin's pink lips as Yoongi seemed genuinely unaware. 

"You're being silly over me being cold. Honestly. I just want to sit with you, so I would like to be on the couch."

"You want to sit with me?" Yoongi continued asking questions, slightly out of his mind from the eye contact he was somewhat still sharing with Jimin. 

Slightly irritated, almost amused, Jimin stood up, wincing a bit at the pain in his knees, which he was now much more aware of-he was finally calming. He grabbed the blanket Yoongi had placed over his body and shuffled toward the couch across from his current place in the room, careful not to kick Yoongi-who still hadn't moved besides to put his arms up in an attempt to prevent Jimin from falling if he couldn't stand just yet. The boy was pretty weak. Yoongi began to wonder when Jimin had last slept. 

When Jimin finally placed himself down on the small couch, the leather felt cool, even through his clothes but he didn't mind. The chair had made his backside a bit warmer than was entirely necessary. He looked at Yoongi, who seemed to be the one in a daze now, and patted the seat beside him softly. 

"Normally when I'm cold Taehyung and I snuggle up under a blanket on the couch and talk or watch movies. He's a big baby and loves to cuddle and I mostly just enjoy the company. Please?" 

Yoongi stood, placing the kit on the dark wooden coffee table in front of the couch, mentally noting to remember to put it up later. Not important at the moment. He told Jimin he wasn't leaving him tonight. 

And he wasn't planning to. 

"Jimin," Yoongi spoke as he sat beside the smaller male. 

"Yeah?"

"Why?" Yoongi's gaze fell anywhere but on Jimin. 

"I'm going to need you to elaborate. Why what?" Jimin was confused, of course. 

"Why did you stop that night?"

Yoongi's heart seemed to slow almost to a stop as he awaited Jimin's response. 

"On the bridge?" Yoongi just nodded. "I stopped because you needed help. And you didn't want to die. Not really."

"How could you know that?"

"You would have jumped before anyone could've stopped you." Jimin's tone seemed smooth, but firm in what he said. 

"I guess you have a point." Yoongi played with his fingertips. "We need to stop meeting in the cold when one of us is drastically underdressed." He attempted to lighten the mood. The atmosphere hanging around them was suffocating him and he was worried an anxiety attack would pay him a visit soon. 

"Thank you, for everything. I'm sorry I didn't say that sooner." 

"I think you were in a sort of shock. No need to apologize. Or thank me even. But why were you in such bad shape so late in the night, Jimin? I thought you were away for two more days."

A bandaged hand grabbed Yoongi's own clammy one, locking their fingers together. Yoongi was sure Jimin's grip must hurt the wounds i side the bandages. 

"It's hardly been a week since my father's," Jimin paused. "And my mother is already going out to the bars with my aunt like he never even existed. The reason I ran, without a coat or even a thought, was because when she asked me to stay with my brothers to enable her leaving, I freaked. She slapped me. I bailed."

"Jimin, I'm so sorry. That's awful."

"When I ran, I didn't think of where I was going. I assume home, with Taehyung, butI ended up in the park. Now here. I'm sorry to bother you this way."

"Bother me? Jimin I specifically remember calling to ask if you wanted to go for a walk with me earlier this evening."

"A walk. Not giving up your coat and playing nurse-which is ironic considering I work in a hospital-and sitting here at, nearly three in the morning when you could be asleep. I’m sorry Yoongi.” Jimin’s voice seemed weaker than it had before. 

“Heh, I can assure you that even if I were asleep right now it would be anything but restful.” Yoongi smirked and leaned closer to Jimin. “I’m not the best, but you needed a friend and by some strange happening you came to me.”

“If I needed a friend I Imagine I’d have gone straight to Taehyung.” Jimin sniffled and shifted to face Yoongi. “But I found you.”

Yoongi’s brows furrowed in confusion and almost offense. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I can take you home if you’d rather be with him.”

“I wouldn’t. Not right now. I like being with you.”

“Jimin-“ Yoongi was cut off by a soft, and cool, pair of lips being pressed to his. 

Surprised and startled Yoongi pulled away and rose a hand to his lips. The feeling of Jimin’s still lingered a bit and the look in the younger male’s eyes said he was fearful of Yoongi’s reaction. 

“Yoongi,” Jimin refused to meet Yoongi’s eyes now. “Yoongi I’m sorry.” 

Sudden regret washed over Jimin like a tsunami. Why would he do that? Was he even thinking straight? Did being outside in the cold and bleeding leave him partially brain-dead? No. Maybe? He wasn’t sure. What he was sure of was that he may have just made Yoongi hate him. 

“Jimin you don’t need to be sorry.” With soft eyes and a small smile, Yoongi places a hand on Jimin’s knee and the other on his cheek to direct his gaze so their eyes met. “Kissing you isn’t something I had in mind, but it’s not something you should apologize for.” Tears welled in the younger’s eyes and it broke Yoongi’s heart for what felt like the hundredth time tonight. “I pulled away. And I would again. Because you aren’t in the proper mindset to process these things. You’re distraught and injured, you clearly haven’t slept in who knows how long, and you were definitely in some kind of shock when you found me. So please don’t be upset because I seem disinterested. I’m only trying to do what’s best for you in this situation.” 

“Sleep.” Yoongi was right. Even Jimin couldn’t remember the last time he’d slept more than an hour or two since his father’s funeral. 

“Do you want to lie down? My bedroom is just down the hall.” Yoongi knew Jimin needed to rest and now seemed as good a time as any to put him to sleep. Jimin only nodded and slowly stood, wincing at the sting in his knees as he straightened his legs. 

If Jimin had been his normal self, upbeat and alert, he’d have noticed the lack of personality in Yoongi’s apartment. He’d have thought ‘He lives here, but this isn’t much of a home.’ The lack of photos and color made it seem dreary and dull. Sad. Even in the dim light from the moon outside and the streetlights below, there was no life in the apartment. Maybe Yoongi liked it that way, maybe he was just too lazy. But this would have made Jimin wonder, was Yoongi truly alone?


End file.
